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The Geekly Planet


 This Just In!!!!!!!
 

Raw Video of President Bush meeting with The Pope!


President Bush was later saying:

"Heh, Heh, Did you see that? The last time a German got f**cked that hard was the Nuremburg Triles!! Heh, Heh,!"
Posted by Zappa Fan at 11:25 PM - 13 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Paris Under Siege
 



LOS ANGELES- Paris Hilton was sent screaming and crying back to jail Friday after a judge ruled that she must serve out her sentence behind bars rather than in the comfort of her Hollywood Hills home.

"It's not right!" shouted Hilton, who violated her probation in a reckless driving case. "Mom!" she cried out to her mother.

Hours earlier, the 26-year-old hotel heiress was taken handcuffed from her home in a black-and-white police car, paparazzi sprinting in pursuit and helicopters broadcasting live from above. She entered the courtroom disheveled and weeping, hair askew, without makeup, wearing a fuzzy gray sweat shirt over slacks.

She cried throughout the hearing, dabbing her eyes, and her body shook constantly. Several times she turned to her parents, seated behind her in the courtroom, and mouthed, "I love you."

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(Here is Paris as a young girl playing with fire)

Hilton was taken to a treatment center at the downtown Twin Towers jail for medical and psychiatric examination to determine which facility she will be held in, said sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore.

"She'll be there for at least a couple of days," he said.

Despite being ordered to serve the remainder of her original 45-day sentence, Hilton could still be released early. Inmates are given a day off their terms for every four days of good behavior, and her days in home detention counted as time served.

Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer was calm but apparently irked by Sheriff Lee Baca's decision to release Hilton three days into her sentence due to an unspecified "medical condition."

"I at no time condoned the actions of the sheriff and at no time told him I approved the actions," Sauer said. "At no time did I approve the defendant being released from custody to her home."

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(Paris sneaking out one night to go to a kegger, party time started early for Ms. Hilton.)

The hearing was requested by the city attorney's office, which had prosecuted Hilton and wanted Baca held in contempt for releasing Hilton despite Sauer's express order that she must serve her time in jail. The judge took no action on the contempt request.

A member of the county counsel's staff said Baca was willing to come to court with medical personnel. The judge did not take him up on the offer.

Assistant City Attorney Dan F. Jeffries argued that Hilton's incarceration was purely up to the judge. "Her release after only three days erodes confidence in the judicial system," he said.

Hilton's attorney, Richard Hutton, implored the judge to order a hearing in his chambers to hear testimony about Hilton's medical condition before making a decision. The judge did not respond to that suggestion.

Another of her attorneys, Steve Levine, said, "The sheriff has determined that because of her medical situation, (jail) is a dangerous place for her."

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(Paris at a photoshoot, work it girl!)

"The court's role here is to let the Sheriff's Department run the jail," he said.

The judge interrupted several times to say that he had received a call last Wednesday from an undersheriff informing him that Hilton had a medical condition and that he would submit papers to the judge to consider. He said the papers never arrived.

Every few minutes, the judge would interrupt proceedings, state the time on the clock, and note that the papers still had not arrived.

He also noted that he had heard that a private psychiatrist visited Hilton in jail, and he wondered if that person played a role in deciding her medical needs.

The last attorney to speak was another deputy city attorney, David Bozanich, who declared, "This is a simple case. There was a court. The Sheriff's Department chose to violate that order. There is no ambiguity."

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(Interior decorators have new look for Paris's living room.)

Hilton's twisted jailhouse saga began Sept. 7, when she failed a sobriety test after police saw her weaving down a street in her Mercedes-Benz on what she said was a late-night hamburger run.

She pleaded no contest to reckless driving and was sentenced to 36 months' probation, alcohol education and $1,500 in fines. In the months that followed she was stopped twice while driving on a suspended license. The second stop landed her in Sauer's courtroom.

Back before Sauer on Friday, Hilton's entire body trembled as the final pitch was made for her further incarceration. She clutched a ball of tissue and tears ran down her face.

Seconds later, the judge announced his decision: "The defendant is remanded to county jail to serve the remainder of her 45-day sentence. This order is forthwith."

Hilton screamed.

Eight deputies immediately ordered all spectators out of the courtroom. Hilton's mother, Kathy, threw her arms around her husband, Rick, and sobbed uncontrollably.

Deputies escorted Hilton out of the room, as holding each of her arms as she looked back, she said "I have not seen this much in & out since my movie."

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(The only PG-rated scene in Paris's movie 'A Night in Paris', for shame!)

Posted by Zappa Fan at 10:35 PM - 16 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Theme Songs
 

It has been well noted that political candidates do much better with a theme song, let’s face it who among us would not like a theme song played every time we walked into a room announcing, “I am here”? Here are some suggestions for the Democratic hopefuls.

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John Edwards:



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_Hillary Clinton:



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Barrak Obama:.



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New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson



Delaware Sen. Joe Biden:


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_ Ohio Rep. Dennis Kucinich:

Posted by Zappa Fan at 10:27 PM - 13 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Reporter Respectability Questioned, Resumes Work.
 

On April 27th, Geekly Planet issued this form of a pathetic apology,

“On many an occasion I may have even picked on you, the reader, simply because you were gay, black, Jewish, Irish, White, Italian, male, female, lesbians, and so on. One person in particular has been a very good sport about such things, is Biggie T. He has unintentionally has been the butt of many a smart-ass remark from ‘The Planet’, and our top reporter Zappa Fan. This has happened one too many times and we will not be tolerating it much longer. As he will be the first to be put against the wall and shot when the revolution comes.”

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(Above; Zappa Fan Snarfblat when he worked as a Patrick Duffy look-a-like)

Due to this apology ‘so called’, the irreverent, enigmatic, slightly stupid, but devastatingly hansom reporter’s reputation was thought tarnished forever with sensitivity and respectability. We found out recently that the real reason behind the abrupt shut down was mainly due to a malfunction and severe spell check overload. It seems that Microsoft Office could not handle the taxing pressure that Zappa Fan was putting on it and in a fit of frustration at the spelling of the word ‘you’ throttled it self with the USB cable from the mouse. This is the first time software has ever self-terminated, and there is an investigation to see if foul play was involved. Armed with a new spell checker (The Wonder Spell Master 3000®) that can correct errors at 190 words a minute, The Geekly Planet will be up and running again. Zappa Fan will be forced to work here for minimal pay, until his death or his blemish of being a “over sensitive wuss” is forever forgotten. When confronted with these accusations Zappa Fan’s response was this,

“Biggie T is gay!”

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(Above; Biggie T left, but he looks so butch!)

There is also a rumor that Zappa Fan’s odd mood was because when the THC ran out he started taking his anti-depressants rectally instead of how prescribed. Armed with a new spell check more cannibis and proper instruction on the Prozac bottle, we are expecting more not-so-memorable silliness to hit the internet.

Posted by Zappa Fan at 5:18 AM - 29 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Letters From The Editor,
 

Here at The Geekly Planet, we have made many offensive remarks at other peoples expense in some misguided attempt at humor and out and out silliness. On many an occasion I may have even picked on you, the reader, simply because you were gay, black, Jewish, Irish, White, Italian, male, female, lesbians, and so on. One person in particular has been a very good sport about such things, is Biggie T. He has unintentionally has been the butt of many a smart ass remark from ‘The Planet’, and our top reporter Zappa Fan. This has happened one too many times and we will not be tolerating it much longer. As he will be the first to be put against the wall and shot when the revolution comes.

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His official apology is as follows;

To whom I have offended;

It is, I guess, safe to say that my whole life I have been the quintessential “Rebel Without A Cause”, so to speak, and have poked fun at minorities more to make fun of the people in ‘the majority, than the folks I take pop shots at. The reality is if you are a gay, black, kabala reading, gun totin’, leftist, lesbian, vegetarian hunter, named Snarfbalt, I truly admire you and the everyday struggle you face in your day to day life. Maybe if I was more like you, I would have more of a reason to buck the system. It seems that in every way I am helplessly, hopelessly in the majority. Racially, ethnically, religiously, sexually, and politically in the majority, it seems there are darn few of us left.

That being said,
Power to the people brothers!!! Goodbye Thank you to all that have been in touch.

Yours Autumnal,
Zappa Fan Snarfblat

The editors of The Geekly Planet would like to apologize for that misguided apology and completely stupid use of the word Autumnal.

Posted by Zappa Fan at 12:39 AM - 23 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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