Hoboken (NJ)- In a high-stakes game of dominance Super Geeks gathered from across the globe for the first ever SG4 summit. Each of the four geek groups (Star Trek, Star Wars, Music and Sports) have much to gain and loose in the coming years. The Music and Sports Geeks are nervous that the Star Wars and Star Trek Geeks will join forces to over power the Music and Sports Geeks. Who can forget the hostile Star Wars takeover of 1977? Likewise the Star Wars, Star Trek And Music Geeks are afraid soccer or football as it is called elsewhere will infiltrate America in such a way that we will have to let more brown people in.

(above: Star Wars and Star Trek Geeks)

This year Sports Geeks occupy the rotating Grand Pooh-bah Geek position, and its chancellor, Chad Snugglebottom, wants to leave his buttock imprints on the Pooh-Bah’s Holy Throne. The treaty under negotiation last week at the Hoboken summit was hoped to make the Geeks more united and settle their differences, without wedgies, name calling, purple nurples, and other such hi-jinks and shenanigans

The whole process came to a standstill when the Music Geek leader, Justin ‘Savage Animal’ Snarfblatt, adamantly refused to go along with the Sports Geek plan of a population-based voting formula. For the Music Geeks– and it all did come down to something that personal – Music Geeks would be cheated of its rightful representation by the fact that so many Music Geeks had gotten beat up in High School by the Sports Geeks, also most of the Music Geeks are still waiting for the public to finally get their ‘grand artistic vision’ and don’t have the gas money to get to the voting booths to actually vote. For the Music Geeks this s a chance to stop the Sport Geeks from trying to take over.

(above; A very insecure music geek)

The Sport Geeks not wanting to wait for the unemployed musicians to show up wanted to go ahead and vote with out their consent. This brought the Star Wars and Star Trek Geeks argument over who’s cooler (Han Solo or Captain Kirk) to a complete halt and in a rare show of unity sided directly with the Music Geeks. This forced the Sports Geeks to delay action and come up with a whole new voting system as noone wants to mess with both those Geeks together, the shear numbers would overpower and destroy the delicate balance bringing chaos and mayhem to the world. The Sport Geeks were very unhappy, Chad Snugglebottum was quoted saying, “This sucks! I mean look at them,they look like a bunch of loons!”

(Above: Chad Snuggle Bottom calling the kettle black)

In a surprising turn of form perhaps to ease Dick Cheney’s impulses, The CIA is declassifying hundreds of once secret documents on it’s web site. Many of the incidents were already known but the documents give more detailed accounts of events. General Hayden said “These document report a very different time for the agency” and that these shenanigans are not tolerated any longer.


“But who could forget that time in 1953 when after an all night Vodka binge with Josef Stalin, President Eisenhower threw a banana peel in front of the bathroom door where Stalin was running to puke! Boy howdy, had he not fallen and paralyzed the whole right side of his body we may have not needed to cover that one up. Stalin would have effectively killed off his own people ending the cold war on his own. Then we would have never needed Regan!”

“Or how about the time James Schlesinger (Director of the CIA at the time) hooked up that defibrillator to President Eisenhower’s chair in The Oval Office man those were good times! Now that sort of irresponsible behavior is strictly off limits. The real reason George Tenet got fired is because he was telling George W. Bush to make irrational decisions, through his intercom, claiming to be God. It was hoot until we realized he believed it!”


“Other instances include Henry Kissinger stealing ‘twinkies’ from The Presidents desk, putting the whoopie cushion on a Soviet commander’s chair at the out post near The Ussuri River with a Chinese flag on it, whoops! Nobody can forget that phoney bomb threat at The Watergate Hotel in ‘72. That was a doozy! Hey can I talk about the time when Oliver North disabled the ‘check engine’ light on Space Shuttle Columbia.?”

Illinois (GP)- Congressman Mark Kirk (R), announced his plan in the short term to solve the immigration problem in the U.S. by passing out condoms and other forms of contraceptives in Mexico, sticking to the old adage, ‘You just need to produce less Mexicans’. This method has produced controversy from both sides of the political spectrum. When asked if the concept was exactly towing the party line, he stated,


“I know I am republican and I believe in less government interference, but that’s here in the U.S., I don’t see any reason why we can’t push our ideas onto lesser beings in the world. I mean it’s working so well in Iraq.”

When reminded of his conservative religious constituency, he added,

“Sure contraceptives, are amoral and we should be preaching abstinence as God’s way, but these people are a bunch of poor Godless saps anyway, one more sin is not going to hurt. It’s not like they have a state treasury to dip into every time someone get pregnant! All’s I am saying is if there are less Mexicans then there has to be less illegal immigration, it’s just a numbers game. Besides you ever see them driving around, there get like 20 people in a Ford Escort that has to be crowded, we’d be doing them a favor.”

(above these guys were caught crossing the border in a single VW bug)

“Now I know people will be concerned about the cost of such an undertaking as there are a lot of Mexican out there, but small taxpayer contribution of maybe $100,000,000 from the federal reserve should do the trick, hey it’s not like we spend it on body armor or anything, might as well protect something!”

(Not sure if this is what he has in mind.)

Most Democrats and Republicans are dismissing Kirk as an absolute loon, but former President Clinton said he would like to be the first to test out the condom solution personally.

Sydney, Australia- (GP) It was a slithery day for customs officials when a reptile smuggling ring was caught during routine check on some passengers from England. It is illegal to bring reptiles into the country without a permit and carries fines up to 10 year in prison and a $98,000 fine. The smugglers were non-other than, you guessed it, Gnomes.

(Above one of the suspects with "a snake in his boot")

Yes, these smiling happy innocent looking creatures that we keep in our yards and trust to book our travel plans have been for years involved in all sorts of nefarious deeds. From reptile smuggling to underwear stealing, to the murder of Pac-Man. These creatures have it covered.. Detective Cody ‘Strait Shot’ Snarfblat of M.C.L.E.A.B. (Mythical Creature Law Enforcement Agency Bitches!)
Had this to say,


(Above a photo of the leader with Pac-Man the last time the video game icon was seen)

“We’ve been trailing these guys for months now, ever since the Captain found his Aquaman underoos missing, it was only a matter of time before they slipped up! Excuse me please there is a shipment of fairy dust that was just discovered at the New York Harbor, I must be going!”


(The rest of the gnome gang in a police line-up)

This just in!!!! Sherry of Sherries Cherries claims to have had contact with the gnome leader, who seems to have lost control of his gnome minions. Be on the look out for this man, as he is now wanted for harboring gnomes and keeping illegal gnome immagrants in the country with out a permit.

(Above Blogstream's own Capt. Morgan)
Another famous Captain would also like to ask him "why the rum is always gone?"

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