In the beginning there was darkness, as you can imagine this was quite boring and the supreme deities of the age were always looking for something to do. Suffice to say the old bolt of lighting down the pants trick seemed to have lost it’s panache after a few millennia.

(above: The Man)
One of these deities was called Gene Oliver Dunlop (or God as his friends called him) got exceptionally bored and in a great ‘Big Bang’ of frustration, if you will, said “let there be light!” Thus the universe was created. This of course was widely regarded as poor judgment and created quite a stir amongst the Supreme Beings. In fact this instance was such an emotional issue a great war (known as The Seven Day War) was stared over a simple sneeze. This devastating war was so horrific that only our hero God was left standing. Once again things got boring.

Out of God’s new found boredom (which turned out to be mono but he did not know that at the time) god created Adam, and from an undeniable craving for Bar-B-Que he then created Eve. Soon Adam and Eve had children and murder was invented. Shortly after the fundaMENTALists came, who are annoying but also quite entertaining as they look at The Flintstones as non-fiction.

(MMMMMMMMMMM Eve!)

Fast forward a few years, after some good old fashioned wars, plagues, assassination attempt and of corse lots of sex and the STD’s that come with that sort of behavior. There stood one man, a man that knew he could make a difference, who knew he could right wrongs and fight the good fight, to bring justice in a world of treachery, a man who knew he could take on the world! What did he do? He dropped out of college to become a bitter, angry sarcastic shell of a man, who instead of rambling on insanely to his family, rambles on insanely to anyone to dares come to his internet space.

(above; Zappa Fan before he discovered blogging. He's much better now.)

Washington (GP) – President Bush brought new life to the interrogation methods of the CIA that would allow harsh questioning of suspects, but with a vaguely worded ban on cruel and unusual punishment. Since the legal definition of torture has been changed (it now means ‘French kisses’ according to this administration) President Bush and staff have repeatedly and sternly denied ever ‘torturing’ a single detainee. Congressmen Mark Fowley though has pleaded the Fifth Amendment on these matters.

After six years, the order bars some practices such as sexual abuse, and any movies featuring even the slightest mention of Andy Dick is strictly prohibited, as part of an effort to quell international criticism of some of the CIA's most sensitive and debated work. It does not say what practices would be allowed. But they will have access to Teddy Bears if they are well behaved. They will be allowed to participate at the petting zoo as well.

(above; CIA detainee playing with 'Snuggles')

Officials would not provide any details on specific interrogation techniques that the CIA may use under the new order. In the past, its methods are believed to have included sleep deprivation and disorientation, exposing prisoners to uncomfortable cold or heat for long periods, stress positions and _ most controversially _ the simulated drowning technique known as waterboarding.

(above from left to right; the old method and the happier method)

Bush's order requires that CIA detainees "receive the basic necessities of life, including adequate food and water, shelter from the elements, necessary clothing, protection from extremes of heat and cold, and essential medical care." Bush added “Hey this is more then our people get they should be freakin’ happy!”

When asked if the new executive order will be with in the bounds of The Constitution, The President said, “Hey, You can trust me to do the right thing, have I ever let the American people down before?”


In a message to CIA employees on Friday, Director Michael Hayden tried to stress the importance of language when speaking of The CIA’s new programs for example instead of calling harsh questioning, "enhanced interrogation measures" it’s now called “happy hurty therapy experience” in order to ease the subjects mind. As a reporter I have heard of this technique before but it slipped my mind where.

(above; The sign reads, “Arbeit macht frei” translated it means work will set you free, the place is Auchwitz)

Since it is still the month of my anniversary on blogstream (and I can't think of anything) I am posting an old artical.

With War, Famine, and Pestilence bombarding the holy heck out of the Middle East, people are wondering why there just isn’t as much Death as there used to be! They want to know how they are going to have a proper apocalypse with this shortage of death. Rumors have been flooding our offices about a break-up with in The Four Horsemen camp. The Geekly Planet was able to catch up with ‘War’ just outside of Lebanon, here’s what he had to say.

"I don’t know what’s going on with him, one day he was fine, the next he says he a bit depressed, and that work just wasn’t ‘doing it’ for him anymore, I can’t believe this! With conflicts in Iraq, Afghanistan, and now this, I’m exhausted, and don’t even get me started about the other uprisings in the rest of the world, I have Famine and Pestilence working overtime to cover his shifts for over a month now. None of us had a day off since. No biblical deity should have to experience this sort of slave labor. I actually heard that he’s in freakin' Disney World for a renewal of perspective! To think of it,‘Ruler of Hades,’ running around singing ‘It’s a Small Underworld After All’. The selfish git! We’ve been together since Genesis, now the guy has completely tarnished his reputation with respectability!”

Closed auditions were being held in LA for the lead spot in the group, 2 weeks ago. I had a chance to speak with Famine during one of his breaks. “It’s been an undead hell around here! I spoke with Ozzy Osborne, Marilyn Manson, Kerry King, and even Yanni, HA! Ozzy, ‘The Prince of Darkness’, how could ‘Americas cuddliest dad’ send shivers up your spine? Yanni was our biggest hopeful in terms of spook-value and worldwide name recognition, but ‘War, Famine, Pestilence and Yanni’ just doesn’t sound right. Getting a new leader is really putting a damper on things, not to mention slowing up production. I just took out an ad in the paper ‘Evil Undead wanted to rule underworld must have reliable transportation and own scythe, great pay, excellent benefits, DFW, EOE.’

Pestilence, ever the optimist, is also on hand to tell us his plan to find a new front man and kick start the End of Days. “Hey I got us a reality show!!!!!! It’s so cool, we’re gonna be on the next season of ‘ROCKSTAR: The Four Horsemen', I am so pumped, I can’t wait to give Dave Navarro The Plague!”

Though I was not able to speak with her, Yoko Ono has released an official statement saying that ‘despite the fact that she and Death have been dating recently, the choice to leave The horsemen, was his own, and she hopes the public will respect his wishes. Also a display of a new batch of floral art by Death, will be on display at her gallery in Manhattan.’
That bitch! First John now this! Walace ‘Scoop' Snarfblat reporting.

"That Obama he just does not have enough experience."


Amish biker gang 'Bril Cream Bandits' runs amok!


New Idea for Pennsylvania post cards after the recent battle between political parties.


“Really you like the blue? I was thinking of going with the magenta.”


25, 26,27, 28- hey hey HEY!.


All the trash after the Live Earth concerts was picked up to create the worlds largest ball of hypocrisy.


Joseph Stalin in his young care free days, just before getting kicked out of his band with Lennon, Harrison and Starr.


What we like to call a Snow Job.

WASHINGTON(GP) President Bush inaugurated the refurbished White House briefing room on Wednesday, showing off a sparkling upgrade to both the guts and face of the famous space.

"Welcome back to the West Wing," he said to the presidential press corps, assembled in the room for the first time since the massive renovation began 11 months ago. "We missed you _ sort of."

Bush seemed most impressed by the new super-powered cooling system, remarking on an improvement that means "With the touch of a button I can encase a truth seeking uppity reporter in carbonite instantly, just like in Star Wars!”

(above: Carbonite test on Keith Oberman)

The president and his wife, Laura _ who took a personal, active interest in the project _ cut some yellow crime scene tape ribbon to formally open the room. The ceremony was timed for airing on network morning shows, but media attendance was severely limited as they are pretty much not wanted anyway.

(Image of press room door)

During the year- long $25,000,000 project White House reporters occupied temporary quarters across the street, the first time in 105 years it had been based outside the White House grounds. Bush added “we have been much happier without you folks here, and don’t worry about the cost as we are in debt 240 billion dollars anywho!”

Later, White House press secretary Tony Snow holds his first daily briefing (unofficially dubbed ‘Snow Jobs’) in the new room.

But though the room is now back in use and journalists reoccupied their new work quarters behind it 13 days ago, the end of construction still could be a couple of weeks away. The press corps was reminded though putting time tables on a completion of the project would be fruitless, and vain.

The improvements are many, though, to a room that was a tourist's disappointment in real life _ much trashier, smaller and shabbier than it appeared on television.

(Above: Celebrity nick-nack shop owner and hobby designer in the old White House Press Room, Biggie T. It was rumored that he worked closely with Ann Coulter on this so it can be both stylish and deadly. Biggie T was quoted saying, "Ann (Coulter) is so manly IT moved.")

Some of the improvements include:
1. Man eating sharks with lasers attached to their heads have been added to the Roosevelt Pool with trap doors on each of the seats for those nagging when are we bringing the boys home questions.

2. The former hot television lights have been replaced with vaporizing heat rays to put off questions that can not be answered with one syllable words.

3. All computer systems main page are linked to Fox news for research, and word processor programs have been programed to report directly to Dick Cheney’s office.

4. Seats have been installed with 10,000 volts in case reporters decide to use negative comments about The President. For example; Bush Suc---------

(Above: Zappa Fan's White House desk chair)