Nether Region, Hades (GP) - It has been well documented in the pages of The Geekly Planet that Death, the lead singer and death maker within The Four Horsemen left the group to date and make floral art with Yoko Ono, leaving his longtime partners in the apocalypse in disarray. After thousands answered the open casting call, a disastrous attempt to make a reality show with Dave Navarro, and several outbreaks of famine, pestilence, and war the world over, a singer has finally been found.

(above; Death at his new job as a street performer, doing the monologue scene from, Little Women)

Pestilence the spokesdeity and ‘happy’ member of the group was available for a rare and candid interview with our Senior Apocalyptic Analyst and choreographer for the ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ video Larry Bling;

(above: Larry Bling)

Thank you, and welcome to Geekly Planet ‘In Tha Face’ with Pestilence from the Four Horsemen, Pestilence thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule, I mean with the world tour you guys are having it must be hard to find time to do things like this with us I am honored to have you here, can I call you Pest?

Pestilence: We HAVE been busy with new material, recording finding and working with our new singer, and causing havoc and destruction around the world, it’s been a rough year man.

GP: Well before we get on to the big news, the new singer, let me ask, what was it like when Death left?

Pest: It was really hard, I mean he didn’t even tell us to our faces, he left a note saying the job was depressing and he did not think this gig was ‘doing it’ for him anymore. Then Yoko called us up yelling something incomprehensive over the phone sounding like R2D2 with a head cold, next thing you know his lawyer stopped by saying he wants all rights to the apocalypse and so on. Hey man, you know War he was really upset with the whole thing. Then when The President announced all was not that bad in Iraq he went on a 4 month coke and alcohol bender in Darfor.

GP: Things were really that bad?

Pest: Oh yeah man, even Famine went on a hunger strike! Talk about irony.

GP: You seem always optimistic, what did you do?

Pest: You know I keep busy with my solo projects, Aids is always spreading, the whole anthrax thing, hepatitis C, D, and E, keep those last two on the DL, I made that for the government, then when I got bored I spoke with some friends and started rusting out bridges around the country.

GP: What happened with the reality show?

Pest: Oh JEEEEZZ! I made some off the cuff remark about giving Dave Nevarro the plague and he got all bent out of shape. All we really asked is that he wear a freakin’ shirt and not be all clingy you know? Why would I give him the plague? He has Carmen Electra, after Dennis Rodman even I do not know what that girl has crawling around down there!

GP: Were the open auditions that bad?

Pest: I brought a few tapes you see for yourself

There was this guy who was just silly, with almost no resume something about a crime boss in Little Italy.


Then there was this chick Chanda Bear not only was she hot but she had a rap sheet a mile long from catapulting rodents to mocking crackheads we really liked her but here is her tape.

She was just way too happy, but like I said, Smokin! This photo was taken just before several people close to her disappeared mysteriously.


Oh yeah the German guy!


He was good but we found out he was Jewish later on.

GP: Oh my word, so these were some of the ones that did not make the cut, what about the guy that did, I hear he is famous.

Pest: Well yes, he was on TV for a long time sang with some very well known acts in the 70's and 80's then he broke into movies, and all the while he managed a band called The Electric Mayhem.

GP: Well America wants to know, who is he?

Pest: We did have to change his image and name but he is none other than Kermit the Frog, though now he is known as Kermor the Morboterranphibin from hell! I know what you are thinking but here is a photo and demo!


(Kermit’s new look!)

GP: Rock On Dude. Rock On.

HUNTINGTON, Utah (GP)- In the wake of a devastating tragedy in the mining town if Huntington, Utah, there is an even more sinister plot in the works. In what was a routine traffic stop, Officer John J. Fandamo, found instruments of bondage, and other sex toys in the back of Father Rudy Snarfblat’s car.

(above; Just one of the contents of Father Snarfblat's trunk)

“I was just amazed he’s a man of the cloth.” said Officer Fandamo, “he insisted he was here to see the trapped minors, I told him there were no trapped minors, but plenty of trapped miners and perhaps he could pray for them. He then said he was sorry but he had to go, something about a trip to Thailand.” When asked if the officer thought anything was suspicious he simply said, “well yeah but if The Pope says it’s ok, why should I interfere, that’s why they have pedophile insurance, right?”

(above; State Farm says you are not covered if anal twister is used in child rape.)

Priests by the bus loads were pulling into Hunting each with their own fetishes and a bottle of Viagra, all of which were confiscated by local authorities and handed over to local religious leaders for their pleasure. The good Reverend Jacob P. Snugglebottum was available to comment, “Gosh, we received the memo to pray for the ‘minors’ in Utah, it’s the right word, it’s no secret that we like to be on our knees and all, but who was to know they really wanted us to pray for miners, it’s so embarrassing when the secretaries don’t get it right!”

(above; Not so emarrassing)

As the priests were all turned away, a group of wife swapping insider traders ran this reporter out of town saying that I lead an ‘immoral lifestyle’.

I am Nancy

Nancy-I-am


Would you like some Green Pork Barrel Ham?


I do not like Green Pork Barrel Ham

I do not like it Nancy I am


Would you pass it for the House?


Would you pass it with the louse?


I would not could not for the House.

I would not could not with the louse.

I will not pass it Nancy I am

The money will be safer for my next sham!


Well would you could you support the car?

Would you could you help the farms?


No, No, NO!

I would not could not support the car.

I would not could not support the farms.

I do not like it Nancy- I -Am

I do not like Green Pork Barrel Ham.


I would not pass it can’t you see

I must appease the business Lobby.

Please, please Nancy

It’s just not your place.

Please stop asking.

Before my friend shoots you in the face!


***This post was made with 86% recycled images

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Jimmy and Suzie Snarfblat will be getting a surprise for their honeymoon dinner.


Proving once again that Jenna Bush is a great role model for women.


Sponsored by The Patron Saints of Pedophilia Catholic Church.


Upon reading the sign little Timmy understood why he should have 'went before he left'


NYC's new clean streets incentive.


The sequel is never as good as the original


Finally some truth in American media

America (GP)- Camp counselors have there panties in a bunch over same sex buddies with-in the buddy system. Tensions flair between the camp staff and campers as the counselors state that buddies are to be one boy one girl. Where campers are stating “but he or she’s just plain icky.”


The staff directors at Camp Yaggottamakastinki contend that the ‘buddy system’ was intended to be one boy and one girl while the young campers believe that it’s supposed to be with their friends. Camp Director Bonnie K. Snugglebottum asserts that, “the buddy system is a smart thing but is also a natural right based on the biological need to be nice to girls. In this view, "buddies" between same-sex kids is not itself a right and can be allowed or disallowed as camp rule decides. Further opponents argue that a change in the definition of buddies to include same gender buddies could lead to the breakdown in understanding of what the buddy system actually is. Most of the controversy centers around camp charters definitions of friendship, rather than the blessing of same-sex buddies by individual religious organizations, which may or may not be recognized as the buddy system.”

(above;Bonnie Snugglebottum)

While 10 year old William W. Snarblat attests that, “My parents pay these people’s salaries, and I should be able to play with whom ever I want, this is a free country! The boys and girls contribute evenly and I do not see why I have to be put in a line to watch out for ‘Stinky’ Suzie Cornhole, and not my friend Bobby! Also they should support the equalization of male-male, female-female, and male-female buddies, and being able to be buddies with any kid that we choose this should be seen as a camp right that should not be abridged by the oppressive camp staff.” He then added “How do you like those apples? PBTHTHTHTHTHTH!”

(above;William Snarfblat and buddy)

While some parents were a little concerned about the issue most of them could not give a crap anyway. What they really want to know is when their kids a coming home.


*****ATTENTION GUESTS*********

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Thank you.
Zappa Fan