CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (AP) Space walking astronauts worried they have may have gummed up a successful job connecting an addition to the international space station Tuesday when a bolt, spring and washer floated free. Astronaut Joe Tanner was working with the bolt when it sprang loose then floated over the head of Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper and skittered across the 17 1/2-ton box-like truss that they were hooking up. When the Intergalactic 5-O showed up and started issuing citations for tossing debris onto a hyperspace freeway.

(above- Mugshots of Astronaughts Joe "butterfingers" Tanner and Heidemarie "0 Gravity Lovemuffin" Stefanyshyn-Piper

 Officer Tazabot from Planet Nebutar quadrant four, third precinct, had this to say, “I can’t believe those guys! Someone could have gotten killed! There is always some sort of crap floating in this area in the galaxy and I am just glad I got to catch them with the smoking gun, so to speak. I just finished getting the prisoner work force to change the “planet crossing” signs up over by Pluto, when that so called Astronaut throws a piece of metal and almost hits Galactic President Presley’s motorcade. He’s lucky I didn’t cuff ‘em and disintegrate ‘em. Then he started talking about how he did not know what a hyperspace freeway is or that there were even laws to obey here in space. Hey the courthouse is just three light years away, if you don’t know about local ordinances I can’t have any sympathy. He’s just lucky I didn’t have the space station towed on irregular orbiting charges.”

(above- Officer Tazabot, Intergalactic President Presley, and a woozy space station)

The heads of NASA are equally upset as they found out that 134 galactic ruperts (the cost of the fine) is equal to about 124 bizzillion dollars and 42 cents. One of the problems is that a single rupert is a conical shaped currency that is 20 stories high and a mile long. The head of NASA addressed Washington DC with yet another problem, as they offered to pay in American dollars, but the Galactic Courts do not deal in small change. Rupert Murdock, the media mogul, is said to be thrilled that there is a high valued currency named after him. Though, further research in to the galactic languages show that rupert simply means, hairless, odd looking, and full of stinky gas.

Hi, I’m Fidel Castro, and I lost 41 pounds in just 3 weeks using the Cuban Slimspeed ® and cigar plan. Let’s face it being a ruthless dictator of a communist country can be quite demanding and I guess I may have hit the candy shop one to many times. But with just a little time a liquid diet, a buttload of cigars and some minor surgery you too can be a new slimmer you! Hey but don’t just take my word for it, here’s what some of our very satisfied customers had to say-

Gosh Golly Wow! After my beloved husband died, I was just a big heffer, but thanks to the Cuban Slimspeed® and cigar plan, I went from a robusto to meduro in just three weeks. Anna Nichole Smith- Playmate, actress, bubblehead

(Anna before and after the Cuban Slimspeed diet plan)

We were all overweight, then I met Fidel, he introduced me to the Cuban Slimspeed® and cigar plan, then I introduced it to the guys, it was great! We drank and smoked the doctors were really nice. Without Fidel none of us would have a career now. Mathew Perry- Conspicuously gay actor

(Cast of Friends before and after meeting Fidel Castro)

Man oh man! We started out dancing for Canadian tourists in Florida, that’s when Fidel came along and turned everything around, who knew smoking could be so good for you! The Chippendale Dancers

(top to bottum- Chippendales at Palm Beach Bowling Alley and 3 years later doing a gig by the pool at Ceaser's Plalace)

Remember folks if you want to be thin like me, use the Cuban Slimspeed and Cigar diet plan. You can always trust a Castro!

(CEO Fidel Castro with newest client Presidente Chavez)

Oh Nevermind