In recent events there has been numerous sightings of Lucifer, Jimmy Falwell now claims to know who the devil is. He claims that the Devil is Hillary Clinton.


(Hillary's true identity revealed)

Speaking on the Devil’s behalf is Al Pacino, who is not the Devil but played him in a movie once, is vigorously, denying that Mrs. Clinton is the Devil but in fact, Lucifer is her running mate in 2008.

The press is saying he has on last chance to speak concerning his taking form of famous political figures, as this his not his first accusation, here’s what Mr. Pacino has to say.

Mr. Malphesto doesn't want it, he doesn't need
to be labeled. Still worthy of being an “evil deity"
What the hell is that? What is your motto here? "Journalist, make up stories and lie to save your hide, anything short of that,
We’re gonna burn you at the stake”?


(First recorded photo of The Devil looks more like Falwell)

Well, gentlemen, when the shit hits the fan, some guys run...and some guys stay. Here's Satan facin' the fire, and there's Jerry...hidin' in
God’s pocket. And what are you doin? You're gonna reward Jerry...and destroy Lucifer.

I don't know who was here before, Ben Franklin, John Q, Adams, Abraham Lincoln, or Ronald Whoever, Their spirit is dead,
if they ever had one. It’s gone You're buildin' a rat ship here, a vessel for bullies n’ cowardly snitches.

And if you think you're, informing the public you better think again, because I say you are killin' the very spirit...this institution
proclaims it instills.

What a sham. What kind of a show are you guys puttin' on here today?
I mean, the only class in this act is the man I am speaking for today.

(Here's Lucifer about to play 'Peek-A-Boo' with the Morning church crowd)

I'm here to tell you this demons soul is intact. It's non-negotiable. You know how I know? He told me and I am not one to argue with a big red dude staring at me with a pitchfork in his hand.


(Look how cute)

If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a flamethrower
to this place! I won’t have to he’s pretty pissed and is probably gonna do it himself.

I've been around, you know? There was a time, I could see.
You think you're merely sendin' this splendid foot soldier...
back home to Hades with, his tail between his legs, but I say you are..executin' his soul !


(Not what you thought it would be is it?)

I'm not finished. As I came in here, I heard those words: "cradle of leadership." Well, when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
and it has fallen here. It has fallen. Makers of men, creators of leaders. Be careful what kind of leaders
you're producin' here. I don't know if Mr. Mephesto’s, silence here today...is right or wrong; I'm not a judge or jury.

But I can tell you this, he won't sell, anybody to buy a good image, and that, my friends, is called integrity, that's called courage. Now that's the stuff, leaders should be made of.
Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew
what the right path was. Without exception, I knew,
but I never took it. You know why?


(Didn't know he was a fan)

It was too damn hard. Now here's Lucifer. He's come to the crossroads.
He has chosen a path.
It's a path made of principle...that leads to character.
Let him continue on his journey.

You hold this demons future, in your hands, journalists. It's a valuable future, believe me. Don't destroy it. Protect it.
Embrace it. It's gonna make you proud
one day, I promise you.

Hillary/Satan ‘08


(Makin' friends and kissin' babies on the road to the White House)

In a recent turn of events Venezuelan President issued this statement at the U.N. recently.



Citing a case of mistaken identity, Beelzebub, yes The Devil himself was on hand to issue and exclusive statement to the Geekly Planet.

“People of Earth, it has been called to my attention, that there have been several accusations as to my wrong doing at the U.N. last week, I would personally like to assure you that George W. is not me. This is a complete falsehood and those responsible for this slander shalt be, drawn, quartered, vigorously sued, and then get to spend a few millennia with me on the ninth plain overlooking fire lake. I will admit I was there at the UN’s inception but I have not been there in a while. That sulfur smell, Ol’ Hugo was talking about was probably just John Negroponte, he visits me on my down time often, and boy, that guy has some seriously bad gas, he needs to take a Bean-o or something! Not that I’ve had much down time lately, I mean between training the Anti-Christ, bribing rock musicians, trying to find a replacement for Death (did you now he’s dating Yoko Ono?), this whole Middle East stuff, plotting a hostile takeover against the Kingdom of Heaven, and my on going copy write infringement suit against Ozzy Osborne for continuing to refer to him self as “The Prince of Darkness”, I mean please, he has a pug, damn him, he tarnished his reputation with respectability long ago."


(above-Satan does seem to have facts on his side about Ozzy)

"Don’t even get me started on that Marilyn Manson guy who keeps calling my house, all hours of the night, asking if I have Prince Albert in a can! Does anyone even have respect for an evil, all-powerful, biblical deity anymore! Calm Blue Ocean, calm Blue Ocean, I digress.

I am not going to say that I am not very fond of the work George is doing up here mind you, gosh I could not have planned a better minion myself, sorry Astaroth. I mean this guy is good, the lies, the stealing and people dying all over the place, good times, and coming from me, that’s high praise indeed! We even have a job for him as doorman of the Netherworld, if he’ll take it!

I am leaving some Photos of me for you guys in case you get confused."

(Above-This is an artists rendition of when I convinced Tom Cruse to join Scientology, that's me on the left!)


(above-That's me getting ready to do yard work, it's a nice break from torturing souls, helps me relax.)

Besides if I could take any form I choose why would I want to look like this…….



I must go now and do some kind of fiddle duel in Georga with some redneck named Johnny.

ALTOETTING, Germany – From his summer home in Germany, Pope Benedict XVI had apologized before loyal followers of the Catholic faith for his comments made about the Muslim faith. After several church burnings and witnessing an effigy of himself burning on television, he said that he was obviously mistaken that some Muslim followers take extreme violence as a form of communication and religious practice.

(Above- Muhammad Al Snarfblatzowa Displaying several forms of peacfull protest)

Pope Benedict XVI said last Tuesday that Islamic holy war was against God's nature and invited Muslims to join in a peaceful cultural dialogue. In a speech at Regensburg University, Benedict made an unusual reference to jihad, or holy war, stating that, “maybe this is not such a good idea, but hey, what do I know I’m only the Pope, for Christ’s sake.”

(above- Pope Benedict XVI closing his set with a "raise the roof off this bitch" gesture after singing a nearly perfect rendition of Cat Stevens's  'Father and Son for his encore)

Benedict insists that his address was about faith and reason, and how they cannot be separated and are essential for "that genuine dialogue of cultures and religions so urgently needed today." Citing historic Christian commentary on holy war and forced conversion, the 79-year-old pontiff quoted from a 14th-century Byzantine emperor, Manuel II Paleologos "The emperor comes to speak about the issue of jihad, holy war," the pope said, He, The Pope, not me, so don’t get mad, I am just the messenger, said, and I quote, 'Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.'

Security was exceedingly tight, as he had to call the loan of “The Pope Protector” back from Bob Newhart, who used it at the Emmys as a form of existential protest against bad metaphors. Mr. Newhart was quoted as saying, ‘He didn’t have to ask I was gonna give it back, that’s the kind of thing that makes you feel lower than a pregnant snake with an inferiority complex.”

(Above- Bob Newhart, chilling out in The Popes crib)

One can hardly blame some people for being a bit concerned about the Pope’s comments as the last time we saw a German man, on a balcony before a horde of an adoring fans, talking a little smack, it was, to say the least, a bit unnerving.

Andrew Johnson -
Pardon Me, Pardon you, Listen if you have to live in Lincoln’s shadow you’d have trouble getting chicks too. So let’s run off to Tenn. and you can beg my pardon.


Ulysses S. Grant -
Not a lover a fighter! No puzzle here ladies, look in my eyes I expect your immediate and unconditional surrender.


Rutherford B. Hayes -
Isaac no relation! But like him I’m a big man who’s big on love, keep your hands off the booze though, you need to know my lovin’ with a sound mind.


James Garfield
You can call me Dark Horse- Not because I’m the underdog. You’ll win prestige with ol’ Gar, love me now, because I may not stick around.


Chester A. Arthur
Son of a preacher man!!! Need I say more, no Asians, please.

Wow! A new Geekly Planet feature! If you have any ideas let me know and I shall post them.

What Jimmy Hoffa is doing, right now.



Right now a monster is planning world domination.



Right now David Lee Roth wishes he had his old job back.


Right now politicians are using the Constitution for toilet paper.



The world is a safe place for our children, right now



Right now a monster is planning world domination.