With War, Famine, and Pestilence bombarding the holy heck out of the Middle East, people are wondering why there just isn’t as much Death as there used to be! They want to know how they are going to have a proper apocalypse with this shortage of death. Rumors have been flooding our offices about a break-up with in The Four Horsemen camp. The Geekly Planet was able to catch up with ‘War’ just outside of Lebanon, here’s what he had to say.
"I don’t know what’s going on with him, one day he was fine, the next he says he a bit depressed, and that work just wasn’t ‘doing it’ for him anymore, I can’t believe this! With conflicts in Iraq, Afghanistan, and now this, I’m exhausted, and don’t even get me started about the other uprisings in the rest of the world, I have Famine and Pestilence working overtime to cover his shifts for over a month now. None of us had a day off since. No biblical deity should have to experience this sort of slave labor. I actually heard that he’s in freakin' Disney World for a renewal of perspective! To think of it,‘Ruler of Hades,’ running around singing ‘It’s a Small Underworld After All’. The selfish git! We’ve been together since Genesis, now the guy has completely tarnished his reputation with respectability!”
Closed auditions were being held in LA for the lead spot in the group, 2 weeks ago. I had a chance to speak with Famine during one of his breaks. “It’s been an undead hell around here! I spoke with Ozzy Osborne, Marilyn Manson, Kerry King, and even Yanni, HA! Ozzy, ‘The Prince of Darkness’, how could ‘Americas cuddliest dad’ send shivers up your spine? Yanni was our biggest hopeful in terms of spook-value and worldwide name recognition, but ‘War, Famine, Pestilence and Yanni’ just doesn’t sound right. Getting a new leader is really putting a damper on things, not to mention slowing up production. I just took out an ad in the paper ‘Evil Undead wanted to rule underworld must have reliable transportation and own scythe, great pay, excellent benefits, DFW, EOE.’
Pestilence, ever the optimist, is also on hand to tell us his plan to find a new front man and kick start the End of Days. “Hey I got us a reality show!!!!!! It’s so cool, we’re gonna be on the next season of ‘ROCKSTAR: The Four Horsemen', I am so pumped, I can’t wait to give Dave Navarro The Plague!”
Though I was not able to speak with her, Yoko Ono has released an official statement saying that ‘despite the fact that she and Death have been dating recently, the choice to leave The horsemen, was his own, and she hopes the public will respect his wishes. Also a display of a new batch of floral art by Death, will be on display at her gallery in Manhattan.’
That bitch! First John now this! Walace ‘Scoop' Snarfblat reporting.
