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The Geekly Planet


 Liberals Angry At slow Hurricane Season
 


Senator Snarfblatt, has gotten quite the upper hand here in the Congressional races in Nov. Claiming that “God himself has mandated me go ‘go forth and spread the truth, and expose the guilty’, and I shall do this in my campaign, by preaching his word Amen!”


(Senator Snarfblatt)

Snarfblatt was ridiculed most harsh; a few months back for claiming hurricanes were “all just another leftist conspiracy set up by the extreme liberal science media hippies trying to find incompetence with the President.”

Here is an excerpt of his speech “WHY?!? I said WHY, can’t our good neighbors from the left come forth NOW, let their science and facts (so called) explain this non-hurricane, hurricane season. I want to ask them WHERE, is your global warming now? It was the hottest time I can ever remember, (I was catching fish, that came on the boat poached!) and still there were NO storms, None, like the lady at church, there were none!” he then added “I pee on the Coriolis effect like R. Kelly on little girls!”


(Alleged Girl Pee-er, R. Kelly)

Democratic opponent, Wesley Snugglebottum not having spine enough to throw the recent wife-swapping/insider trading club scandal in the senator’s face tried, well, less than sheepishly to defend himself.


(Wesley Snugglebottum)

“Isn’t it convenient, that right before an election, no major catastrophe occurs, to show how incompetent our leaders are! That all of a sudden hurricanes just stop happening, possibly raising doubt, that warmer climates might just not be the cause of such things and ano- ……..Hey don’t go!”

No Democratic hopeful has shown any sort of muscle since the Clintons.

There are rumors, dark sinister rumors of secret meetings in the democratic camp. Where the tales of things that will be; will unfold. The legend of the prophecy!
The prophecy states that a beast



shall return and defeat the evil oil merchants,



just before things really go to the pooper.


But that is another story

Posted by Zappa Fan at 12:13 AM - 18 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 A Public Service Announcement From Your Local Drug Dealer.
 

***The following is a paid message from DAGNABIT, and its views are not necessarily those of the Geekly Planet, its writers or editors, who have obviously been taking a very long lunch break.***

Hi my name is Jughead, and I would like to talk to you about a serious problem facing our country today. That problem is alcohol. Each year alcohol related problems, create havoc from the average man on the street, right up to the highest levels of government. My focus group is DAGNABIT, (Dealers Against God-fearing, Neoconservative, Alcoholic, and Insensitive Twits) Our mission is to ban the sale of alcohol in the United States and replace it with good old fashioned cocaine, and THC based products. Now I know what you’re thinking, but look at statistics, 17,000 people died in drunken driving accidents in New York alone, while the only thing marijuana contributed to was the munchies.


(another happy THC customer!)

We also know from recent events that alcohol is the root cause of other problems such as political corruption,


(Republican Representitive, Bob Ney, "The sauce made me do it")

Anti Semitism,


(Mel 'Wadareyajewish?' Gibson)

And homosexual pedophilia.



(Mark 'Turn the page' Foley)
We are also finding alcohol is the cause of bad haircuts,



Crimes against fashion,



And poor voting choices.



With the evidence provided one can easily see that ‘drinks are for dinks’. So buy yourself a vial of crack today and say it proudly to your local 5-O, DAGNABIT!


Tyrone Biggums says 'support capitalism bitches!'
Posted by Zappa Fan at 1:35 PM - 36 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Presidential Personals Pt. 7 (The Valkrie Edition)
 


Harry S. Truman
“Mr. Fair Deal” I’ll come down on you like the moon and the stars from heaven.


Dwight Eisenhower
You’ll like Ike too- Atoms for peace baby, and in the goodness of time we can be as one.


JFK
I say to you, Ask not what your President can do to you, rather ask what you can do to your President. Just don’t ask Ms. Monroe about the ‘missile crisis’.


Lyndon B. Johnson
You know, Latin countries call me El-B.J.!!


Richard M. Nixon
‘I am not a crook’, but I'll steal your heart. That’s right ladies there is no need to fight over me, there is enough ‘tricky Dick’ to go around, you catch my drift?


Posted by Zappa Fan at 10:17 PM - 21 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 The Geek In Pictures
 



How Wesley became a soprano.


Happy Birthday Mr. President, Happy Birthday to you.


Kristen Strikes Again!!!


This must be how congressional pages are chosen.


Ok Binki-san wax on, wax off!



Finally!! Tax dollars well spent!

Posted by Zappa Fan at 12:21 AM - 28 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 R.I.P. CBGB
 



NEW YORK (AP) -- Legs McNeil remembers the night back in 1975 when he walked into the dingy storefront club perched in the even dingier Bowery neighborhood. The band onstage, four guys in leather jackets and torn jeans, was the Ramones. McNeil sat at a nearby table, watching their set with Lou Reed.



It was unforgettable. But as McNeil would soon discover, it was just a typical night at CBGB's, the club that spawned punk rock while launching the careers of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees Blondie, the Talking Heads and the Ramones.

"Every night was memorable, except I don't remember 'em," said a laughing McNeil, co-author of the punk rock history "Please Kill Me."



After Sunday, memories are all that will remain when the cramped club with its capacity of barely 300 people goes out of business after 33 years. Although its boom years are long gone, CBGB's remained a Manhattan music scene fixture: part museum, part barroom, home to more than a few rock and roll ghosts.

The club didn't exit without a fight. An assortment of high-profile backers, including E Street Band guitarist Little Steven Van Zandt, battled to keep the legendary club open. But in the end, it was a simple landlord-tenant dispute -- and owner Hilly Kristal saw the handwriting on the club's dank walls.

"I knew the closing was inevitable, because my lawyers said, `You can't win this case. The law is that your lease is up, and they don't even need a reason to put you out,"' said Kristal.

Kristal sits beneath a platinum record from Joan Jett, a CBGB's clock and a few of the endless band stickers that blanket the interior. Kristal, who is battling lung cancer, wears a black and white CBGB's T-shirt with a matching baseball cap.



He once managed the Village Vanguard, the renowned jazz club where he booked acts like Miles Davis. Things were a bit different at his new club: "In rock, the bands were creative -- but at first, they didn't play so well."

The first punk-scene band at Kristal's nightspot was Television, soon followed by Patti Smith. Punk poet Smith will play the closing night as well, a booking that Kristal described as effortless.


Smith isn't the only veteran playing one last gig. The '80s hardcore band Bad Brains and the '70s punks the Dictators are both scheduled for the final week. Blondie's Debbie Harry and Chris Stein are also stopping by.

When Kristal opened his doors in December 1973, CBGB's stood for country, bluegrass and blues -- three musical styles that wound up in short supply. Tommy Ramone, drummer for the Ramones, recalled how a new breed of bands gravitated to the space.

"At that time, there were no places to play in New York," Ramone said last year. "It was a very dead time in New York City, doldrums all around. But CBGB's allowed bands -- original bands, no less -- the freedom to go and play and do whatever they pleased."

Kristal plans to move the club far from its roots with a new CBGB's in Las Vegas. The owner plans to strip the current club down to the bare walls, bringing as much of it to Nevada as possible.

"We're going to take the urinals," he said. "I'll take whatever I can. The movers said, `You ought to take everything, and auction off what you don't want on eBay.' Why not? Somebody will."


Even a longtime CBGB's devotee like McNeil thinks the best advice for the 74-year-Kristal is go west, old man.

"I always said Hilly should go to Vegas," said McNeil. "Girls with augmented breasts playing Joey Ramone slot machines. It would become an institution."


Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

Ok, so I took the article from the news, I thought it stated the facts better than I could.
One of my first concerts ever was Minor Threat at CBGB’s. It is or was (I should say) another Manhattan, landmark and dear memory that is leaving me in my absence, from home.

First WTC, then they are going to tear down Yankee Stadium, and now this. I experienced my first mosh pit, and stage dive at CB's. I will never forget the pride I felt when I got a REAL CBGB t-shirt, and not one that came from Spencer’s at the mall or elsewhere. I was a ‘real punk’ whatever that meant. I remember well, being in Europe and people just asking if I had been there because of that shirt.

For me it was a magical place, a place I could drink underage, and listen to loud music that only I, and a select few knew of. A place where legends were born, The Ramones, Blondie, Lou Reed and many others. A place where you could beat someone up in the pit and have that guy buy you a drink afterwards. Very Bukowskian, I think.


The list of concerts I have been to at that place is a mile long; I will leave you with a song from my youth. Kudos to those that name all the bands pictured above.

Posted by Zappa Fan at 12:04 AM - 22 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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