The Following is an actual article I found in the Associated Press with the exception of the parts marked with ***, and the pics, this is a cut and paste job. Not only do I find the concept just plain stupid, but I also find it funny that the Associated Press deemed this news worthy.

By ROBERT WELLER - Associated Press Writer

DENVER(AP) A homeowners association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan.

*** A representative for Satan was on hand to say: “Listen, yes this symbol used to be a symbol of Satan, but the big red dude has disavowed, it since not only does he not like peace and good will, but really can’t stand smelly stoned hippies who for the most part do not take baths. Here in Hell we are looking for more the metro-sexual lawyer/politician type. Thank you.”***

(above: Satan denying affiliation with peace sign)

Some residents who have complained have children serving in Iraq, said Bob Kearns, president of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs. He said some residents have also believed it was a symbol of Satan. Three or four residents complained, he said.

"Somebody could put up signs that say drop bombs on Iraq. If you let one go up you have to let them all go up," he said in a telephone interview Sunday. *** He then added “I’m going to put up a sign that says, ‘Lisa Jenson is a big dumb lesbian hippy who won’t sleep with me’***

Lisa Jensen said she wasn't thinking of the war when she hung the wreath. She said, "Peace is way bigger than not being at war. This is a spiritual thing ***man." Then took a bong hit that would have made Ozzy Osborne weep.***

Jensen, a past association president, calculates the fines will cost her about $1,000, and doubts they will be able to make her pay. But she said she's not going to take it down until after Christmas.

(above: Lisa Jennings and boyfriend 'Moonbeam')

"Now that it has come to this I feel I can't get bullied," she said. "What if they don't like my Santa Claus."

(above: Bad Santa?)

The association in this 200-home subdivision 270 miles southwest of Denver has sent a letter to her saying that residents were offended by the sign and the board "will not allow signs, flags etc. that can be considered divisive."

The subdivision's rules say no signs, billboards or advertising are permitted without the consent of the architectural control committee.

Kearns ordered the committee to require Jensen to remove the wreath, but members refused after concluding that it was merely a seasonal symbol that didn't say anything. Kearns fired all five committee members.


(above: Bob Kearns)

In Lexington, Kentucky, First Twins, Jenna and Barbra Bush and one local news reporter were hit with pellets when a drive by shooter took aim at the waiting crowd outside the Nicholasville Road Best Buy in order to get the Playstation 3..

(above; composite sketch of alleged shooter)

“Yep! That’s him he even had that silly light above his head” said the Bush twins, “I bet that’s the same dude the took my purse in Argentina!” Jenna added.


(above- The First Twins in happier days.)

Jesus’s father was on hand to comment; “I can’t believe my boy would do this, you do the best you can. You know what I mean? It’s like there was nothing he couldn’t have just come to me for, I could have pulled some strings and gotten it for him, I am, like, God. This is all about the cross thing isn’t it? Son, what part of divine plan do you not understand?”


(above right: Early Photo of God in his ‘experimental years’)

Dick Cheney was also on hand to comment; “Shocked I am in a world seeking global peace, and Ted Kennedy’s career still afloat that things like this can still happen to rich people! This is why we put the patriot act in place to begin with to find and torture terrorists like this. This is not his first incident with the law, just look at his record; soliciting the services of a prostitute, not conforming to society, inciting a peaceful riot, impersonating royalty, jay-water walking, you name it!”

(above: Darth Cheney)

A spokesperson for Jesus, said “That Jesus is deeply saddened by the incident, and that he would have never acted this way if it weren’t for the wine.”

(Above: Mel Gibson trying out a new career in public relations)

THE TURKEY'S ARE REVOLTING!!!!!!!!


"He's right they are disgusting! That's why we don't eat them."


Happy Thankxgivin' and god bless us every one!

Well this is too cool, I have a 'staff'. Lola Mae of The Enema Wars and Bella's Got a Brand New Blog, is now the official advice columnist for The Geekly Planet. After many applicants and careful consideration the right person for the job was found. Let's have a look at the new journalism professional.



A tip for everyone on how to dress for an interview!!
Now take it away girly girl!!

Dear Lola Mae;
I have been seeing this guy, he’s great, he’s good looking, has a
great job, has a home, and so polite, the only problem is he has
such a funny looking penis, aside from the fact that it small, it looks kind of
like the emergency button on an elevator. Will this ever work?

Ms. Sizequeen

What the hell are you asking me for? I say ... Hell no !!! Are you
kidding yourself ?? Even your name ?size queen? implies that you are
obviously a queen sized lady who needs a queen sized weenie or else you
wouldn’t be complaining to Miss Lola !! I got no time for weeny-assed
whiners !!


Dear Lola Mae;
About a month ago my wife said she wanted to get into domination. It
seems there is a lot more lawn mowing and laundry doing, than leather,
whips and such. Are we doing this wrong or am I being manipulated?

Yours truly,
I.M. Wippte

Listen up, Wippte ... if you weren’t so stupid, I’d come over there and
Wipp your ass myself !! Does the word pussy-whipped mean anything to
you? If its domination YOU want, I’ll send you my information regarding my fees and charges.

Miss Lola shakes her head ... and lets out a *sigh* of frustration and shouts

NEXT !!!!

Dear Lola Mae;
Last week my husband said he wanted to bring another partner into the
bedroom with us. Now he’s mad, because he came home from work and
I was with the neighbor Steve, getting an early start. How can I make it up to him?

Signed,
Lucy McLikstaphuk

Well, Loosey dear ... it seems we are dealing with a penile ego who
wanted to pick the first playmate. Obviously he’s afraid he might get
corn-holed !!

Tell him if he’s a good boy, you’ll let him mow your grass !!!




Dear Lola Mae:
I have this crush on my ex boss, the only problem is this restraining
order. How do I make her see that love is an unbridled passionate
emotion that should allow for peeping in windows, 93 phone calls a
day, and showing up nude in her shower covered in hot sauce whilst
sniffing her shoes?

Yours,
Stalky L. Unytoon

Listen here Lunytoon ... Don?t be trying to pull one over on Lola Mae
.. This is postmarked Folsum Federal State Pen. ... which
indicates to me obviously that you went a little bit too far in your
pursuit of passion. Lordy, I guess with advice-column fame comes the
crazies !!!


Dear Lola Mae;
I am a successful young man, that tries to be polite, all the girls I
date seem to leave because of my penis it’s rather small and looks
like an elevator button. Please help.

N. Tendowd

Dear Mr. Obviously Not Endowed ... Just how did you expect Miss
Lola to help you? Do you think I’m the penis fairy and I can sprinkle you with
enhancement? Get over it ... The only sex you're gonna have is with Lola and her five sisters!



Hi guys, I would like to make this an interactive column, so if you have a question that is silly, send it in hopefully it will be fun for all involved!!!

GUATEMALA CITY- A fire raged through Guatemala's largest open-air market Monday, killing 15 people, officials said. Merchants claimed a cigarette touched off the blaze.

The fire broke out in an area of illegal fireworks stands, set up temporarily near a section of the permanent market shops, said fire department spokesman Don Jaun Snarfblattesta. Fireworks are popular during the holidays.

The blaze quickly destroyed about 40 of the permanent market's thousands of shops, which are spread across an area more than 2 square miles in size.

Some merchants stayed inside their stalls to protect their merchandise "instead of taking off running like I did," said vendor Roberto Snarfblatita.

Lemus said that some who stayed behind were asphyxiated by toxic fumes. He put the death toll at 15.

Officials said the cause of blaze was still under investigation. But fireworks vendor Carlos Snarfblatto told The Geekly Planet that a still-burning cigarette butt accidentally landed in a fireworks stall, setting off fireworks and sparking a blaze that spread rapidly.

White House Press Secretary Tony Snow was available to comment,

“This is a major success in The Long War (on brown people). Sometimes it’s so much better when some freak accident takes these people out. This way we don’t have to, now there’s no bad press. This has inspired a new type of military offensive. Called Operation: Bomb Darky. The Navy Seals and CIA will be setting up illegal fireworks stand all over the undesirable parts of the country and the world, (you know where THEY are) and throwing cigarettes in them. Then the BIG KABOOM! MHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Tony Snow then showed this picture



and added, "It sounds mean, but look at those poor people wouldn't they be happier if they just weren't there anymore?"

Celebrity racists the world over were on hand to celebrate the new military strategy.

(Above; Welcomed to the fold with open arms Michael Richards)


(Representing AA Mr. Mel Gibson)


(Ex- Virginia State Senator George Allen)


(last but not least David Duke the first celebrity racist)