Gloucestershire, England (GP)- (above; A quiet hillside an unexpected scene for a massacre) In the quiet town of Gloucestershire, a menace has come once again to this tranquil place to spread havoc and fear among it’s resident crackers. On this quiet hill top a scene of inexplicable brutality has taken place, that has been going on every year for the past 800 years or so. This is the first year we were able to get photographic evidence. Please keep small children away as some of these scenes may be disturbing.
(100 dead as wheel of cheese goes on rampage)
It is believed that a ‘Muenster’ of a cheese wheel rises from the curd and attacks the city while some brave souls fight back, the cheese always seems to win out and disappears until next year when he makes his frightful haunt. (above; Angry villagers chasing the Frankenstilten Muenster!)
Gloucestershire resident, and survivor, Basil Snarfblat had this to say, ‘It was a bloody mess, we formed a lynch mob this year to get the Muenster, but it was to no avail mate! We lost many good heads that day, I’m telling you. I think I need a pint.’ (above; A very lucky Basil Snarfblat being helped by medics after an attack.)
(above; The Cheese Muenster tearing the heart out of one Gloucestershire resident, the medic and photographer were not so lucky.
The gruesome scene lasts the whole day then stops as suddenly as it started ending with citizens in either the grave, hospital or pub. I think we all know where this reporter is heading!
After forty years of film making ups and downs, Martin Scorsese has finally has his long awaited Oscar. The famous director accepted his Best Director award with suppressed anger, that later turned into a full blown ‘Raging Bull’ if you will, when he clocked former Vice President Al Gore with the coveted statue. (above; Scorsese just before going postal!)
Here is a excerpt from his acceptance speech, “How the hell could you people have waited so long to bestow this honor upon me? Now you hand me this for ‘The Departed’?! It’s not even my best work. Spielburg said he wanted those three hours back after watching it, after three friggen movies with De Caprio, he's starting to get on my nerves! Christ I still can’t get George Lucas to return my calls. Al Gore got a F**cking Oscar before I did! How can you justify that? He does not even make movies. I am going Rebublican, who's with me? F*ck the polar ice caps! I have proof that he does not care about them!!!” (Al Gore Melting polar ice caps!?!?)
That is where the sh*t it the fan and things got violent. After beating the holy bejesus out of Al Gore he started thrashing the place asking Ellen DeGeneres if ‘she thinks this is funny, you know like a clown?’
It was said that after the bruhaha took place many a-list celebrity tough guys tried to stop him, but the only way to contain him was the great weight of Francis Ford Coppola, Who said, “Mprth, peth tojk shf;iojf “ as he stuffed a whole live baby seal in his mouth. (Above; Coppola and Scorsese)
It is rumored that Brian De Palma mailed him his deserved Oscar the next day.
In recent events a writer to the Geekly Planet said “Yeah whatever Chanda. Zappa is such a fag.”His name is Biggie T, a ‘man’ so called who is known to have Pooh Bear as an icon or a symbol of himself on the stream. The question is why would someone so openly gay call some one a “fag”? Does he need to find a new closet to hide in as being gay is so trendy now?
(above; Biggie T; “Never Mind the taira I really like chicks”)
Close friend and hottie compatriot Chandabear had this to say; “ I can’t believe I shared to much private information with a straight dude!! I would have never told him about how huge my husband is if I knew. The antique store, male lover, interest in musicals, and listening to me was all just a ruse! I am so mad I can take an axe to something!!!!!” (Above; Chandabear getting ready to let loose on something!)
Now that the cat is out of the bag what will ‘Mr. T’ do? Spend a life in seedy strip clubs calling women ‘tomatoes’ and holding his crotch all day long? Or will he rise above the charade and embrace his inner straightness? Well in a world of metro-sexual gay folk wanna be’s, we at The Geekly Planet support your bravery in stepping above the norm and proclaiming your straight, white maledumb to the world!
(above Biggie T finally embracing his male sloppiness)
Coalition Of The Willing Break-Up; America Takes On New Band
World Stage (GP)
In recent news today, Coalition Of The Willing, guitarist, bass player, and drummer (UK, Denmark, and Lithuania; respectively) are all leaving the group COW, sighting, personal, creative, ideological, and financial reasons. Leaving America to front the supergroup all by it’s loansome. (Not a typo) (One fan's reaction.)
Taking the cue from Gun’s N’ Roses, America is trying to find a new band and considering hiring Buckethead on for lead guitar duties. “I am taking this loss very hard” America said in a press conference, but I have to finish the up coming record for art’s sake. It will be titled, Iranian DEMONcracy! I know it has taken a long time to finish. You just can’t rush perfection. It will have a new sound that brings us into a modern day time.” (Can Buckethead handle new duties for COW?) (Filling in on Bass-Death his first musical appearence since The Four Horsemen Disbanded!)
Rumors of this break- up arose of late as this has been the longest trans-Atlantic collaboration, in music history. One wonders if America can release a successful follow up to the multi-billion dollar money maker; ‘Axis Of Evil’. (A rock and roll classic that can only rival The Who’s Tommy) with out it’s original members. (Anxious fans!)
UK, was on hand to comment; “We’ve all put a lot of bloody work into this thing and America thinks he can take all the spoils, I mean how much of an ego does he think he has. There is just no respect any more, I mean that wanker gave me a ‘wedgie’ on stage once! You try playing kick ass rock music with your underwear above your head.”
(above; New Drummer 'Zewy' from 'The Scum Monkies' he says, "At my age I am just glad to have a gig!"
Who can forget COW’s classic rendition of this modern timeless song.
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gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"
If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!
