Malibu Ca.-

It seems Mel Gibson can’t seem to stay out of the limelight these days, not for yet another monotonous Lethal Weapon sequel,lame chick flick, or even the much, anticipated sequel to his blockbuster The Passion of the Christ – JC II The Second Coming (He’s back and mad as Hell!)

Mr. Gibson was arrested for drunk driving then apparently made violent and anti-Semitic comments to the police officer. Officer Jacob T. Snarfblatburg had this to say “Oi vey! So he doesn’t like Jews he’s Mel Gibson for Christ’s sake!”

Hollywood is both shaken and angered with Mr. Gibson’s alleged comments, some guy was actually heard saying, “Hollywood should refuse to work with Mr. Gibson no matter what the damage is to the bottom line.” Yet despite the clear outrage from that guy, studio’s seem to be lining up to buy the script to The Passion III ‘Dude Where’s My Cross’.

Also, more allegations of preferential treatment to the super star by the Malibu Police Dept. are also being investigated. The Malibu DA, J.D. Snarfblat Esq., who is personally supervising the investigation, had this to say, “The accusations are ridiculous, this is Malibu, everyone of our prisoners get caviar and Champaign whilst getting a massage with a happy ending by a member of the Swiss Bikini Team, besides, so he doesn’t like The Jews he’s Mel Gibson for Christ’s sake.”

Supporters of the mega-famous actor, that simply failed to ‘turn the other cheek’ were there to show love and faith to Mr. Gibson. Among the 20 or so skinheads that were there was celebrity racist, David Duke in full dress hood and cloak and fellow actor/ sympathizer, Austrian born Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger who gave full pardon to Mr. Gibson saying “Ya und, so he doesn’t like Juden he’s Mel ‘FRICKEN’ Gibson fur Christ’s sake!”

12) Political Campaigning for Winners by Donald Rumsfeld

11) Inner Peace by Idi Amin

10) Androgyny by Lemmy Killmiester

9) Weapons Safety by Kurt Cobain

8) I'm Ok Your Ok by Trent Reznor

7) Advanced Math by George W. Bush

6) A Film Lovers Guide to Florida's Fine Theatres by Paul Reubens

5) 101 Ways to keep your husband Happy by Courtney Love

4) Safe Sex by Magic Johnson And Eazy E

3) Child REARing Techniques by Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter with A forward by Pete Townsend

2) Autoerotic Asphyxiation for Dummies by Michael Hutchance

1) Learn to Sing with Stephen Hawking

Louisiana Swamp:
As Kermit the Frog And Ms. Piggy renew their wedding vows on their
24th wedding anniversary, protesters appear outside Mr. The Frogs
multi-million dollar swampland lily pad.

The honorable Reverend Ronald J. Snarfblat leader of the Evangelical group P.A.M.W.A.O.S.T. (People Against Muppet Weddings And Other Such Things) had this for comment, “This is preposterous and unholy, we can’t just have any Peter, Paul and, Piggy getting married just because they love each other, I’m not happy so I don’t see why anyone else should have a good time!”

All heck broke loose when a protester held a sign that read, “Frog
And Swine Not our Kind!” Then Ms. Piggy-The Frog and Animal started
kicking the holy beJesus out of everyone. The Swedish Chef was the
only one in the wedding party available for comment had this to
say, “Fling die Funey Funey Fune, Schliet die Huney hune, Schliet die Hun!” Now who could argue with that deep sentiment?

As the most un-Muppet-like brew ha-ha broke down, the soulful sound
of the Electric Mayhem was playing in the distance. One protester was heard saying, “Think of their children, yuck!”

That being said there is the issue of an undisclosed sum of money
deposited in Kermit and Piggy’s bank account, and the use of real pork being used in Ron Howard’s new movie ‘Green Eggs and Ham’. Not Kermit, Mr. Howard, nor the green ham, is available for comment, at this time.